Magic Carpet Ride
by Sadieclay
Summary: Mark and Elizabeth go dumpter diving.
1. MCR: 1

rug1.html AUTHOR: Sadieclay   
EMAIL: sadieclay@hotmail.com   
CATEGORY: Weird   
RATING: PG.. There's swearing! and Elizabeth breast feeds her son! Oooooooh Scary!   
SPOILERS: None, since this is entirely out of my sick mind   
DISCLAIMER: I work at a KFC for minimum wage. If you sue me all I can give you is chicken. And even then, I can only give it to you for half price. I don't own anyone.. Although I wish I did.. Owning people would be cool. "Heel Luka!" "Yes Master..." 

******** 

Mark drove down the quiet streets of Chicago. His sleeping wife and newborn baby nestled in the back seat. The asphalt and green lawns were wet with dew, morning birds twittered sleepily and Mark rubbed his chin which was rough and bristled with hair. It was five AM and he was looking for a bargain. 

"Mark.. We can buy all new things.. Why do we have to go picking through other people's garbage? Mark?!" 

But Mark didn't listen. He never listened, thought Elizabeth. He never listened to her. She didn't want some musty old chair with missing legs in her living room. Elizabeth wanted a La-Z-boy with cup holder and vibrating seat cushions. 

** 

"One person's trash is another person's treasure, Elizabeth!" He remarked once, headfirst in a dumpster. "Oh look! A lazy susan!" 

"Your old girlfriend is in the dumpster?!" 

"Elizabeth.. She wasn't my girlfriend." 

"I don't want smelly old trash.." 

"Elizabeth.." 

** 

They were slowly crawling down the back streets, lined with dimly lit street lamps, battered trash bins and dented yellow fire hydrants. Each house had perfect green lawns and winding lanes and plump tabby cats asleep on the morning papers on their perfect welcome mats. 

Mark was tired. Mark was fed up. Mark was sick and tired of Elizabeth telling him that she wanted to go home.. That she needed her 'cuppa'. He was ready to go home too. 

"MARK!!! STOP!" 

He squealed on the brakes, the SUV lurched and shimmied (Something Mark had REALLY planned to get looked at. But it was Elizabeth's own fault getting an SUV) and Anthony Mark Greene started to squall. "Shhh... Tony.. Shhh now.." Elizabeth chirped to the baby. "Mark.." She whispered, pulling the baby to her breast and feeding it. "Over there... The perfect carpet.." 

Stuffed into the large economy sized aluminum garbage can, was a massive oriental rug. 

"I thought you didn't want somebody's old garbage." Muttered Mark irritably. 

"I said I didn't want smelly old trash. That isn't trash Mark. That's a beautiful rug and I want it." 

"It's probably got some big hole in it or a stain or it smells funny.." Whined Mark reproachfully. He didn't want to get out of the car and lug that thing to the car. It would have been different if it was an entertainment centre or a pair of speakers or a chair.. But this was a silly rug. He wasn't getting out of the car for a silly rug. 

"Mark... Please.." Elizabeth said sweetly.   


Grumbling under his breath, Mark, parked the car and got out, walking across the street and struggled to pull the rug over his shoulder. It was a lot heavier than it looked and his feet shifted under him trying to get a good grip. 

Elizabeth, a well meaning sort, stuck her head out the car window. "Use your legs, Mark.. Don't hurt your back." 

"Use your legs Mark.. Don't hurt your back!" Muttered Mark to himself mockingly, in a sarcastic, whiny falsetto. 

"I heard that!" She yelled from the car, as he was teetering backward, holding onto the rug for dear life. It was much like watching the Caber toss at the highland games.. Except Mark wouldn't look handsome in a kilt, he didn't have the legs for it. "Lift with your legs, Mark." She called out to him again, as Mark stumbled backward, pulling the rug from the can and landing spread eagle on the ground. 

She stifled a giggle and turned little Tony to watch his father. "See him Tony? That's your Daddy.. Your Daddy's a silly, silly boy.. Say 'Hi Daddy'.." Elizabeth took the infants' hand and waved it out the window at Mark.   


Mark looked up at his wife, and his little son and back at the blasted carpet. He pulled himself up onto his heels, and stood, brushing himself off. Raring to go for another chance at moving the mountain, he glared at it. "Stupid carpet.." He muttered.   


"It's a rug, Mark.. Not a carpet."   


Mark grit his teeth.. She was really starting to get on his nerves.. Especially since she didn't say 'carpit'. She said 'care-pet'. What in the hell was a care-pet? Damned if he knew. 

He got down on his heels again and slipped his hands underneath, and flipped the rolled rug, up onto his shoulder. Slowly walking forward, as if he was carrying a Caber, he pushed it back onto his shoulder and ran to the car. 

Mark weaved unsteadily on his feet outside the trunk. "Open the trunk honey!" He said as loud as he could through clenched teeth.   


"What?! The trunk??!! Mark? What do you mean?!"   


He sighed. He wasn't the only one not too sharp in the morning.. "Uhh.. The boot, Elizabeth.. Open the damn boot!" 

There was a click as it popped open and an exhausted sigh as Mark shoved the rug in the trunk and shut it as far as it would go. 

He returned to the car limping and walking stiffly for a man in his early 40s.. 

"Are you okay Mark?" 

"Just peachy.." He muttered smelling his soiled t-shirt. "I smell like rotten banana and Tang and..." Mark breathed deeply and gagged. "Wet diapers.." 

Elizabeth smiled. "That's not you.. That's Tony.. He's had his tea... Now he needs his nappy changed." Elizabeth handed her husband a wad of tissue to wipe the large blob of grit and garbage goo off his forehead. 

"Thank you, but I wouldn't look like this if I hadn't had to go struggling with that damn rug." 

She pouted, looking at him reproachfully. "You made me come.. Don't act like that, just because I found something and you didn't."   
  
  



	2. MCR: 2

ERik Fic: Magic Carpet Ride Pt2

Back at the house, Elizabeth had exited the car to get Anthony changed, and to get ready for work.   
Frustrated Mark was left with the carpet. How on earth would he get it out of the trunk, now that he'd gotten it in there? 

** 

Elizabeth exited the house and kissed Mark on the lips. "I'll see you later, Luv.. Take care of Anthony.. I expect that rug to be in our livingroom when I get home." 

She hopped daintily down the steps and down the street to the El station. Mark was left with the carpet and a screaming baby. 

** 

By the time Elizabeth had finished her short shift, Mark had taken two breaks, fed and bathed Anthony, tried a crowbar and a pulley system to move the carpet, nothing worked. 

He tugged at it and pulled it. He wrapped his whole arms and body around it and yanked with all his might. But all that got him was a sore butt and skinned knuckles when he'd flown backwards and skidded out the garage on his bum. 

Mark was ready and willing now to get this pitched back into the garbage can.  "ELIZABETH!!!" 

The house echoed with her footsteps and she opened the back door. 

"Mark!? Are you okay?!" She stared at him out on the laneway, sprawled out on his back, and stifled a giggle. 

"Mark. Abby and Luka are coming over for supper in an hour. Get dressed." Closing the door, Elizabeth returned to her kitchen and Mark returned to his rug. 

"Stupid foreign sonofabitch! Get OUT!" Mark swore and kicked the bumper of the SUV.   
  

"Now.. Is that any way to greet guests, Mark?" 

Mark turned and saw Abby and Luka standing outside their car, waiting for Mark to move, so they could park it inside out of the rain. Mark smiled sheepishly. "I was talking to the rug... It's oriental.." 

Luka exchanged a worried glance with Abby. Mark certainly wasn't the same since the brain surgery. 

"Certainly Mark. Would you like some help with your foreign rug?" Luka asked hopefully. 

Mark stared at the brawny male. He'd probably have a lot more luck if he had Luka helping.. 

The two men grabbed the rug at either end and slowly lifted it from the trunk and into the livingroom. 

"Mark.." Panted, Luka. "That was damned, heavy! What do you have in there!?? A body?" 

The two men paused and looked at each-other. "Elizabeth-Abby" They yelled in unison. "Take the baby upstairs."   
  

"What's wrong!?" The women ran into the room and stared at the rug. "What's wrong with the rug?" Tony nuzzled into his mother's shoulder, sucking on a fist. 

Luka and Mark stared at each other. "Take Tony upstairs, now Elizabeth." replied Mark, firmly. 

"Abby.. Go with her." Luka said shakily, still staring at the rolled up rug. 

"But Luka.." 

"Go.." 

The two women sighed and headed upstairs muttering and shaking their heads. "If you spilled something on my rug Mark.." Warned Elizabeth as she headed up the staircase. 

"Just go upstairs, Elizabeth.." 

******* 

Luka and Mark stared at each other intently as they unrolled the rug. Their hands getting closer and closer to something, that they were quite certain, was not a common alley cat or raccoon. 

Once the rug was unrolled Luka and Mark stared at it before Luka finally spoke. 

"Mark.... There's a dead body in your rug.. Why is there a dead body in your rug?" 

Luka blinked slowly and took a deep breath.. "And why does it smell like bananas and Tang??" 

Mark exhaled and kicked the body with the toe of his sneaker. "Luka.. It's not my rug.. I don't know why it smells like Tang and bananas.."   
  

"It's in your house. It was in your trunk. It's your rug." Reasoned, Luka.   
  

"No.. I stole it out of somebody's garbage can this morning before the trash collection."   
  

Luka laughed. "It took you all day to get the rug out of your trunk!!???" 

Mark scowled and stared at the man on his rug.. His skin a purplish mottled blue.. His eyes had rolled back in his head and he was wearing nothing but a pair of duck boxershorts. Mark could tell the guy had been dead at least a few days.. "I have back problems from my attack." He mumbled lamely. 

Luka nodded. He'd had a limp, getting shot in the war. At least that's what he told people. In fact he'd fallen down a flight of stairs at a drunken kegger with his friends, during Med-school. Getting shot sounded so much more romantic and morose. 

"So. What do we do with John??" 

Mark's eyes widened and he looked back at the body. "Carter!?" 

"No.. Doe.. What do we do with the body now.. I think we should report it." Luka said boldly.   
  

Mark scoffed. "No way! I'm not going to prison."   
  

"Mark! You didn't do it! Did you?!" Luka said with surprise. 

"NO! I didn't do it!" 

Elizabeth came up behind her husband and tapped him on the shoulder. "Did what?!" She looked over his shoulder at John on the rug. "Oh God Mark! What have you done!" 

"NOTHING!!!" 

"Mark.. Why is there a body in my rug!?" 

"Well.. I don't know.. I guess somebody threw it out.." Mark said pathetically. 

"Threw out a body?! Mark! What do we do with it!?" 

"Sneak it in the County Morgue?"   
  

They all looked and stared at Abby. "What?!" 

  



	3. MCR: 3

ERik Fic: Magic Carpet Ride Pt3   
"Put the body in the morgue.. Leave it there.. Let them deal with it.." 

The group was agape at Abby's morbid and highly illegal idea. 

"Abby, honey.. Are you okay?" replied Luka in pained, soothing tones. He brushed the hair from her face and swept it off her neck. 

"Uhh.. Luka.. What are you doing?" 

She ducked her head and got out of Luka's morbid embrace.. "Enough, Lugosi... Later.. We have to figure out how to get this body from the house and back into the trunk and past Elwy." 

"ELWY?" 

They all stared at her. 

"Yes.. Elwy.. He's the guy at the morgue.. If I distract him... We can sneak him in.." 

"And how do you propose we do that??!" Mark sighed staring at Doe again and poking him with his toe. He was quite stiff.. Not like Mark had remembered corpses from Medical school.. But then again. The corpses he'd worked on weren't found wrapped up in oriental carpeting. 

"I could distract him..." Abby said sheepishly. 

There was a horrid gasp from Luka once he'd discovered what 'distract' meant. "ABBY! You're with me!" 

Abby sighed, walked up to him and grasped his shoulder lovingly and pulled him into an embrace. "Oh Luka... I AM with you... I am also with Dave.. And Elwy... and Carter... I never said I was exclusive.." 

"But.. But... I gave you little itty-bitty bottles of cognac from my mini-bar!" 

Abby snickered. "That wasn't the only thing that was itty-bitty.." 

"HEY!!!!!!!!" 

"You two... Leave the smudgy talk for later. We have a body to dispose of!" Snapped Elizabeth.. 

Slowly she paled, then flushed and she giggled. "Oooh.. Did I just say that?! Ooh.. Where's Sean Connery when you need him!" 

Mark pouted(He always dreamed of being Sean Connery, practiced his Connery voice in the mirror at night "Green... Mark Green" But it never did sound right.. and in the end it was the full head of hair that got the ladies.. Not the sexy Scottish voice.) and poked Doe with his shoe again. "He's dead right??" 

Elizabeth stooped and took Doe's stiff wrist and took his pulse. "Yes, Mark.. He's dead.." She replied, dripping with sarcasm. 

"What about identification?!" Said Luka, still smarting from the fact that Abby was 'nursing back to health' half the staff at County. 

"Identification!?" Scoffed Mark incredulously. "The man is in boxer shorts! Where do you suppose he KEEPS his identification?!" 

"In his boxershorts perhaps.." said Luka, simply. 

Everyone turned away and winced as Luka stooped beside the body and stuck his hand.... 

"Oh god! Luka! Why did you have to do THAT!?" Cried Mark, still facing the wall. 

"It was in his pocket.. They're shorts... Not boxershorts.. Cute though.. Might want a pair for myself actually. Ducks... Hmm.." 

"LUKA!!!" Abby gave him a firm swat on the arm.   
  

"Oh.." He flipped open the wallet and found it empty except for a punch card at Second Cup. "Says here.. Le-.. Ler.. Leo.. Lar-" Luka sighed and handed it to Abby. 

"Lawrence Havelock.." She replied proudly, ruffling Luka's hair.. "It's okay hon.. I only need you for sex anyhow.." Abby chided. 

"I know.." Luka said sadly, staring at Larry Havelock. Thing was.. It didn't matter to him really that he only wanted her for sex. He only wanted her for sex... So it didn't really matter in the long run.. They could both have sex till their brains squished out thier ears and they'd never have to 'pillow talk' afterwards. It was brilliant.. But... 

"I know you only want me for sex, Abby.. But I want you for more than that.. I want you to want me for more than that. I want you for the way your head tilts when you laugh.. The crinkling of your eyes when you smile.. The way you..." Aww shit.. He couldn't do it.. Being the emotional male, was emotionally draining.. "Forget it.. I want you for sex too.. Want to go upstairs??" 

They looked at Elizabeth and Mark pleadingly, hopping from foot to foot, maddeningly as if they had to pee really badly.. But there was only one thing they wanted really badly. 

Elizabeth sighed. "Mark..." 

Mark shrugged. "Ehh. What ever.. Don't wake Tony.. Change his diaper and feed him.. We gotta get rid of Larry here.." 

"Larry?? Oh Mark.. That does sound so crude.. Can we not call him Lawrence?!" Elizabeth pleaded and kicked the edge of the carpeting, covering Lawrence slightly. 

"We can call him the toothfairy if we want Elizabeth.. He's dead." 

"Toothfairy Havelock... No.. It doesn't have the same ring as Lawrence.. I think we should call him Lawrence, Mark.." 

"What ever... What I call him is stuck in the middle of my damn livingroom! Can we move him please?" 

While Mark and Elizabeth were arguing, Luka and Abby had retired to Mark and Elizabeth's bedroom and were currently playing Good Doctor/Bad Nurse.. 

"OH LUKA!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"Oh.. Abby.. Ow.. Hey! What are you doing! Ow! Hey! Abby!? That doesn't go in THERE! That's gross misuse of County Property!! Oh Abby... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Abby.."   


"Mark you silly twit... We can't both get through the door at the same time! You'll have to go first.."   
Scolded Elizabeth, as they'd wedged themselves and 'Toothfairy' Havelock into the doorframe. That was another thing that bugged Mark, the way she said can't.. It wasn't C-O-N-T.. It was C-A-N-T.. and he wasn't even going to get started on the pronunciation of roof and the spelling of neighbor. (which is neighbour by the way but I digress) 

"Okay.. OKAY! *UNGH*!" Mark pushed himself out and had stumbled backward with his half of Larry "Lawrence-Toothfairy" Havelock. 

"Let's get this bastard back into the trunk." 

"Mark.. Have some respect for the dead!!" 

"I do.. I used to be a big Grateful Dead fan.. Now help me dump him into the trunk.." 

"What about my rug Mark?!" 

"What do you mean, 'what about your rug?!' It's got a body in it!" 

"Mark!" 

"Now, is not the time Elizabeth, I have my arms around a dead guy's butt.. NOW is not the time.." 

"When is the time?! and what if we can't get him into the morgue!?" 

Mark shrugged, grunting slightly as he heaved his end into the trunk.  "If we can't get him into the morgue.. It's simple.. We bury Larry in the back yard.." 

"MARK! I am NOT burying Lawrence in our back yard!!" 

"Fertilizer!" 

"ILLEGAL!" 

"And what we're doing now isn't illegal!?" 

"Well.. I just don't want Lawrence in my backyard. What about Luka's??" 

"He lives in a hotel, honey.. He can't bury bodies in his backyard.." Mark said patronizingly. 

"AND WE CAN!!??" Elizabeth threw down her end of the rug and stormed back into the house. 

"That is it! I'm phoning the Bobbies!" 

"THE WHAT!!!!!?????" Mark sighed heavily. Why would she be phoning old boyfriends at this time of night?   



	4. MCR: 4

ERikfic: Magic Carpet Ride Pt4   
"ELIZABETH! GODDAMMIT! GET BACK HERE!" Whined Mark.. This wasn't ANYTHING like James Bond.. It wasn't even Mission Impossible or even Get Smart.. This sucked. He sighed, "Green... Mark Green!" dropped his end of the rug, and swivelled on his heel, cocking an imaginary gun struck a pose. "Come and get me you bastards!" He sneered under his breath. 

"Mark.. What are you doing?!" Abby was standing in the doorway, fully dressed, but it gaped in all the right places. 

Mark blushed. "Uhh.. Waiting for Elizabeth. She was.. going inside for.. something.." He had found one of these perfect gaping spots and couldn't take his eyes off it. 

"Mark?! Heyyyyy... Mark?!" Abby waved her hand in front of Mark's glazed expression. He had been dreaming of Abby and Elizabeth wrestling in a vat of rice pudding. His mother used to make the most wonderful rice pudding. Mark had started to drool. 

Abby yelled back in the house. "Hey! Elizabeth!? Does Mark have any medications he should be on?!" 

"Mark!? Oh screw it.." While Mark stared dreamily off into space, thinking of Abby and Elizabeth making out on top of his mother's warm fresh baked cookies and apple pie, Abby had grabbed the rug and flung it into the trunk. "Seeya later Larry." She muttered. 

"His name is Lawrence..." Replied Elizabeth, as she returned from the kitchen. She hadn't phoned the police, although the thought had been very tempting, but how was she going to explain a body in her rug?! And a body in duck boxers no less.. 

Luka had followed Elizabeth out of the kitchen and was nodding readily, his arms folded across his chest. Elizabeth blushed and cast sideways glances at Luka. God.. He was certainly well.. attired... If only Mark had something like that, she mightn't have cared so much when Mark went for his daily naked 'I can't find any of my damn clothes!' runs through the house. 

"Yes.. We should call him his proper name Le.. La... Lu.. Lar... Loo.. Aww screw it.. Fred." Muttered Luka irritably. He was thoroughly fed up, all he had planned on was a quiet dinner and he ended up implicated in a murder. "What do we do now that we have.. Fred in the trunk?" 

"Take him to the morgue!" Replied Abby, as if Luka was the most stupid person on the planet, thankfully she hadn't finished off the sentence with 'Well DUH!' but it had been very tempting. 

"Oh. Well.. They can do that.. It's their car.. Their rug.. Hence.. Their body.." Luka took Abby's hand. "Come.. Show me more of your strange American phrases.. What is a Cun-" 

Abby snickered and shoved her hand over his mouth. "Not HERE!" She hissed, laughing. Abby dragged Luka inside while Mark and Elizabeth stared at each other wistfully. 

"How come you don't teach me strange American phrases Mark?!" said Elizabeth, woefully. 

"Because I'm afraid that even in the afterlife, my mother is going to come after me with a giant bar of soap and wash my mouth out.. That's why! I can't wrap my tongue around 'Cun-' Finished or otherwise.. Do you want your husband to have nightmares of having his mouth washed out with soap? Do you?" Mark looked at her sternly. 

Elizabeth shook her head and sighed. "No... I guess not. But it doesn't mean *I* can't say them does it! CUN-" Mark clapped his hand over her mouth. 

"STOP THAT! Do you want the neighbours to think we're filthy mouthed heathens?!" Squealed Mark. 

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Mark. You haven't been in a church since your father's funeral, and you seem to have no problem with sneaking around with dead bodies in the trunk, you just can't stand me saying cu-" Mark's eyes widened and Elizabeth sighed. "Okay.. I won't say it.. Doesn't mean I won't scream it in bed later at 3 am. Just to keep life interesting." 

Mark paled. "You wouldn't dare!" 

"Try me.." 

He sighed and looked towards Lawrence's feet which were sticking out of the trunk. "Help me with this will you.. Help me get Larry's feet in there so we can close it.."  Elizabeth gave Larry a good shove and Mark slammed it shut. 

"Okay.. Let's get this bastard out of here.. How did phoning your old boyfriends go?!" Mark asked curiously, as he walked to the driver's side and got in. 

She cocked an eyebrow and sighed. "What?! Old boyfriends?! Abby's right.. Have you been taking your medications?!" 

"YES!! OKAY! YES! Let's get going!" 

The gears squealed and grinded noisily as Mark angrily took it out of park and put it into reverse. 

"I still think we should bury it in the backyard." 

"Mark!" 

"What! We could dig Larry a little grave.. Say a few words.. Plant a walnut tree over top.. Or tomato plants.. Ever see that weird movie with Ben Stiller in it?! These people start burying bodies in their back yard and plant tomato plants over top.." 

"Mark! I'm not eating death tomatoes!" 

"They won't be dead.. Larry will be fertilizer.. Think of your flowers!" Mark smiled and patted her hand as they drove down the street. 

"Eww. Mark. The more and more we talk about this.. The more I want a wood chipper!" 

His eyes widened and he slammed on the brakes. "WHAT! Okay.. That's it.. No more Farrelly Brothers movies for you!" 

"Oh.. Mark.. Don'cha know..." Elizabeth mocked, butchering the Wisconsin accent. "So, I guess that was your accomplice in the, ah, wood chipper?" 

Mark ignored her, covering his ears and bonking his head on the steering wheel. "Stop it.. Stop it.. Stop it.. Enough.. No more Fargo for you.. and NO we are NOT seeing Oh Brother Where Art Thou.. I can NOT stand George Clooney.." Each 'stop it', was excentuated by a sharp beep from Mark's bald head striking the wheel. He was getting a fierce headache, but it didn't compare to the headache he had gotten from Elizabeth watching that movie ad-nauseum when it came out on DVD.. She had some sick thing about woodchippers that he didn't, and didn't want to understand. 

He stopped banging his head and slowly looked up at her. "NO! We are NOT putting Larry in the woodchipper." 

Elizabeth pouted. "Oh. So it's okay that we can bury him in the back yard like common waste, but we can't have a little fun?! Mark!" Elizabeth was sick of Mark. She didn't really think that sticking Lawrence in a woodchipper would be fun, but Mark had been so stuffy lately.. He wouldn't even let her say cuneate.. Of course.. That hadn't been the word on her mind.. But she had a feeling that Mark could sense these things. She wasn't certain what cuneate meant anymore.. It'd been years since her college exams.. It had to be a shape or something as far as she could recollect.. but it seemed she didn't even have to finish her sentences lately for Mark to bristle up and get nervous. 

Mark's eyes rounded to the size of large marbles. The sort of marbles, he'd played with as a child and lost early. "FUN! Obliterating somebody in a woodchipper is fun!? Oh boy!" 

"Not Fun, Mark.. But a damn sight more interesting than sticking the poor bastard in the morgue, besides wasn't Abby supposed to come with us?!" 

"Abby's baby sitting Tony." 

"Blast! She is not! She's baby sitting Luka's penis!" 

"ELIZABETH!" 

"Well.. She is.. and I saw the way you were staring at her. Her.. wearing your robe like that.. Don't think that I didn't see. That dreamy look on your face, like when you think about pudding." 

"I did NOT have a dreamy look on my face!" Grumbled Mark as he pulled into the County parking lot. 

They sat in the gates as Mark drummed his fingers on the wheel and sighed. "So.. Do you go in and steal a body bag or do we just dump the sucker in the trash bin out back?" He was getting thoroughly sick of this. His friends were back doing unmentionable things on his bed and he was starving. Mark's stomach cursed him aloud and growled. 

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Mark... I think your stomach just swore at me.. Mark what did you eat today?" Her eyes narrowed and she glared at her husband. 

"Nothing.. Fruit... a tuna sandwich on wholewheat.." He replied confidently. 

"Mark!" 

His world was shattered.. His cover was blown. Mark was in hot water.. Mark was in deep deep crap. "Well.. I.." 

"Mark....." Elizabeth licked her lips and pursed them angrily. "If you've been eating that garbage again. You know it's not good for you.. What did you eat!!??? Mark.." 

"Two... Foot-long hoagies... and some Kielbasa sausage bake that Haleh brought..." He replied nervously. 

Elizabeth's eyebrows went up and she swatted him hard on the arm. "MARK!" 

He jumped back in pain and rubbed his arm. "OW!!" Mark laughed nervously, and rubbed his arm. "Ow...." he whined. "I was hungry.." 

"My husband is NOT going to have a heartattack at 50... All that red meat.. Christ, Mark.." 

Mark snickered and then erupted into gales of laughter. "You think... Maybe.. That's what killed Larry?? Too much red meat!!!!????" Choking on his giggles, he wiped away tears and sighed happily. Mark dodged another swat from Elizabeth and grinned.. "Or maybe he had an overbearing wife!" 

She glared at him and clocked him soundly with her purse. "Come on. We have to get Lawrence out of the trunk."   
  

"I want to go home and watch the Munsters and eat a tv dinner and go to bed.." Mark complained bitterly as he got out of the truck. He was getting thoroughly sick of this.. This was all Elizabeth's fault. That stupid rug. No! It wasn't Elizabeth's fault! It was Larry's for being IN the rug. Yes, that was it. It was Larry's fault for having the rug as his final resting place. Mark sighed. No.. This was all his fault, his little garbage picking sprees. If he hadn't convinced Elizabeth to come along. If he'd gone by himself.... He groaned. If he'd gone by himself, he probably would have seen the rug anyway and gotten it for his wife and they'd be going through this anyway. 

"MARK!" 

He yawned and sighed, walking to the trunk and helped Elizabeth pull the body out and marched across the parking lot carrying the rug and Larry. 

Elizabeth grunted and shifted her weight, getting a better grip on the rug. This was stupid, walking out in the open like this carrying a body like it was the most normal thing on the planet. What they needed was Eddie from transport. He'd know what to do. Either that or a wood chipper. A wood chipper would have come in handy.. But Mark didn't know anything about getting rid of bodies. Neither did she, Elizabeth reasoned to herself, but a woodchipper would have been exciting. 

She furrowed her brow and sighed. Perhaps Robert would know.. He was a horrible man. He probably killed people and hid their bodies all the time. People leaving mysteriously like that.. P-places... Phoenix... Philadelphia.. Romano probably had their bodies fertilizing his lawn. "Maybe we should tell Robert, Mark.. He'd know what to do.." 

"ROMANO!? No Fucking way!" Screamed Mark.. The words echoing loudly into the late night. Okay.. Maybe he shouldn't have yelled.. Okay... Maybe he shouldn't have swore.. But Romano!? What was Elizabeth thinking??? He was the last person, Mark would tell about ANYTHING, especially finding a dead body in his rug. 

"MARK! You swore!" Elizabeth said with delight. Now maybe she could get away with saying cuneate without having to scream the other word at the top of her lungs at three AM. 

They were halfway across the parkinglot towards the backdoors of the morgue, when suddenly night became day and the happy couple were blinded by a large spotlight. 

"May I ask what you're doing?!" A disembodied voice boomed. 

Elizabeth screamed and Mark yelped, dropping his end of the carpet, and wetting his pants(Later on at office parties, Mark would claim this never happened, but Elizabeth swears by it and apparently the SUV never has lost that 'smell') 

They grabbed Larry and ran like mad, tripping in potholes, splashing in puddles and making a general mess of themselves. 

Elizabeth, Mark and Larry made it to the trunk, as Kurt Jones finally tottered out with his flashlight and nightstick. "Hey you kiddies better not be doing anything illegal out here!" He threatened feebly, shaking a liverspotted, veined fist at the ink black night. Then limping arthritically back to his post, Cook County General's oldest security guard, finished his nap. 

With Larry safely stowed in Elizabeth carpet and Elizabeth's carpet safely locked in the trunk, Mark sped out and away. He squeezed his legs together, the skin hot, sticky and itching as the miles crept up on the spedometer. 

As it got warmer up front, Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. "You smell that, Mark?" 

Mark shook his head,  "No.. I don't think so.. No I don't think I do.." He said nervously. 

Mark put one hand on the wheel and rested his head in his hand, setting his elbow on the edge of the driver's side window. He sighed heavily and yawned, turning the wheel and driving onto the highway. This isn't how he'd planned to spend his days off, burying dead bodies and spending his nights driving all over hell's half acre. There wasn't any glamour in being a secret agent, he'd surmised. There was no Pussy Galore, no Q.. No gadgets and no fancy suits.. Mark glanced down at his filthy scrubs, caked with grime and what he could only guess was either ketchup or Larry's blood. He hoped it was ketchup. 

Elizabeth fiddled with the radio as they drove out into what she had discovered was obviously the middle of nowhere as the stations grew fewer and fewer.. Soon the only thing on the band was static and lots of it. She sighed heavily and looked up. "Mark?! Where in the hell are we?!"   



	5. MCR:5-The final chapter

ERik Fic: Magic Carpet Ride Part 5.   
**** 

"The woods.. What's it look like Elizabeth?!" Mark snapped at her sharply. He was getting very tired. The sparseness of his hair didn't help matters as Mark shivered. It was cold.. It was dark and it was... He glanced at his watch.. Two in the morning.  Mark groaned. He was out in the middle of nowhere.. A body in his trunk and he was due for work in four hours. This wasn't like being a secret agent at all. 

Mark got out of the driver's side, stiffly and not much unlike Kurt Jones at County General. It had been a very long day.. 

Elizabeth watched her husband and sighed sadly.. "Oh Mark... Come here Luv.." She got out of her side of the car and gave him a big hug, and kissed him on the lips. "I'm sorry Mark. I'm sorry about all of this. I promise to make it up to you. What about breakfast in bed when we get home?"   
  

Mark wrinkled his nose and writhed under his wife's touch at the thought. "But.. Elizabeth.. As nice as that is.. You can't cook..."  She swatted him hard with a hand and stormed out into the forest. 

"Wait! Elizabeth! There's ANIMALS out there!!" He yelped frantically. 

"Oh yes MARK!" She spat back at him sarcastically. "Bunnies and all those other evil cuddly little vermin.. I'm well aware MARK! Bunnies and toadies and vampire moles.. Killer voles and hedgehogs.. Mace toting water rats and UZI carrying badgers.." She growled at him, fuming, and planting herself on a stump. "YOU can move Lawrence and bury him.. *I* am not going anywhere!" Elizabeth grumbled, crossing her arms. 

"Elizabeth! Stop whining about Wind in the Willows and help me! I can't do it with my back.." He whined, limping slightly to the trunk. 

"Fooey on your back, Mark.. Your back is fine.. Nothing is wrong with your back, Mark. Your head maybe, but not your back. Get moving Mark, I don't want to be here all day twiddling my bloody thumbs. I'm cold and I want my rug back!!!" She complained loudly. 

Mark had, had enough. In fact they'd both had reached their limit, but Mark was the only one on that dark country road bold enough to cross his wife. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry about your cooking. I didn't mean it. I'll put anything in my mouth you put in front of me, I swear!" Provided I don't swallow it, thought Mark to himself as he crossed his chest and smiled at his lovely wife, I'll be fine. 

Elizabeth smiled and sighed with relief. They were just a little stressed out. As soon as they got Lawrence out of the boot, out of her rug and six feet under the forest floor, everything would be right again. 

******* 

Mark had walked back to the SUV and Elizabeth watched him as he removed the fold away shovel from the emergency kit bolted to the floor of the trunk, and gave a hard sharp yank on the rug, tumbling it and Lawrence to the sandy wet gravel. 

A soft wet squish sound as Larry hit the earth was all that could be heard in the still morning air. "Mark..." Elizabeth began, as he grabbed around Larry's swollen purple, mottled ankles and started pulling the half naked corpse into the woods. 

Larry's dragging body cut a deep scratched V in the earth and leaves parted like the red sea as he began his morbid journey into the woods. He stared blankly upward into the canopy of green with deeply sunken eyes, his skin now sunken and yellowing. Pale like death... Elizabeth thought to herself before should could catch herself and remember that Lawrence was indeed dead.. Quite dead. 

She nervously and dutifully followed her husband, kicking piles of leaves over their trail and humming child hood school rhymes to herself. The man deserved a proper burial with his children and wife in a cemetary with a preacher and black and veils and.. Elizabeth sighed sadly. He didn't deserve this .. He didn't deserve to be dumped in a mucky hole in the forest. Elizabeth sighed again, her stomach rumbling grumpily. She'd not eaten since her shift yesterday. A stale ham and cheese sandwich with wilted lettuce, out of the vending machine. A cheery sign had informed her that the sandwiches were all made fresh that morning. Her stomach had discovered otherwise. The sandwiches were rank, and she'd known it before she'd even plinked in her quarters. Elizabeth's thoughts were dashed to forgetfulness with the sudden sharp clink of metal on stone and sound of anguished grunting, Mark had started to dig the grave. 

She looked up tiredly, stooped and shuffling, her massive curls fluttering aimlessly in the cold morning breeze. Mark was several hundred yards away, and already ankle deep in what was to be Lawrence's final resting place. Elizabeth thought absently of the rug, laying there in the dirt. The rug that almost twenty-four hours ago was the thing to have, was now laying in the dirt, discarded. Peeled away like an orange rind because they had to bury the soft pink fruit nestled inside it's protective shell. 

Elizabeth walked up to the hole and took the shovel from her husband. She dug and thought about Peter being screwed around by Romano. She scraped metal against stone and swore at the ground, the earth moistened by her falling tears as she thought of Lucy. She dug fiercely as she thought of Luka's lost family. Every bit of pain locked away inside served has fuel as Elizabeth dug the grave, the sun had started low in the sky and as it rose high she dug deeper, her sorrow fell where it lay by the mounds of dirt. 

Don Anspaugh had remarked with sympathetic surprise when he'd seen her hands later that week. His voice low, warm and kind. "God.. Elizabeth what were you doing? Digging a hole to swallow you up?!" She'd smiled sadly and shook her head. "Something like that, Donald.. But not quite.." Elizabeth had replied, walking to the sinks and scrubbing in for an appendectomy. 

Mark rolled Larry into the hole and started to kick dirt over him. Elizabeth wiped away the tears and began shovelling the dirt over top of the body, covering him completely, and sprinkled a layer of leaves over the grave. "Mark... Can.. Can we please go home now?? Please??" She pleaded with him softly, her voice cracking. 

He nodded and slowly put his arm around her and they walked to the car arm in arm. Closer for the comfort and warmth. Mark sighed, his muscles aching, his head throbbing and his sins washed away. He had been absolved. Larry was buried. Elizabeth hung her head and stopped in her tracks, pulling Mark back slightly, causing him to stumble. "What's up, hon??" 

"We.. We have to say something Mark.. We can't just leave him like this.." She said tremulously. 

"We can.. I'm late for work. Let's go Elizabeth. We don't know him.. Who he was.. How he died. How can we say anything without sounding foolish?" He said softly, staring back at the mound of dirt and leaves. This was unbelievable. Mark was feeling remorse and sadness for a man he never knew.. A man he found decomposing in a carpet... A man he'd just let his wife bury.. A man his wife was now weeping for. 

"Mark.." She asked softly, burying her face in his warm shirt. Mark kissed the top of her head, swept away the tears from her cheeks with his thumb and nodded. 

"Yes?" 

"Why did he smell like bananas and Tang?"   
  

"I don't know Elizabeth.. I think perhaps somebody in that house liked bananas and Tang. Who knows?" He replied softly, as Mark stared at the grave. "Uh.. We don't know you Larry-" 

"Lawrence.." Elizabeth corrected quietly, muffled by his shirt as she had buried her face deeper and held Mark closer, unable to look at the grave. 

"Lawrence.. We didn't know you.. We just had the misfortune of coming across you, yesterday morning. Uhh.. From what we could see, you had a good taste in clothes.." Mark stammered uncomfortably. "Sorry you died.. May you rest in peace.. Ashes to Ashes.. Dust to dust.. Uhh.." He sighed. "Elizabeth.. That's all I know.." He said quietly. 

"That's okay Mark.. I think that's all we can say.." She kissed him on the lips and pulled him away towards the car. "Thank you, Mark.. That's all I wanted.." Elizabeth replied, smiling sadly. 

The sky suddenly turned very black and thunder crackled over head as the heavens split open and Mark and Elizabeth were in the middle of a torrential downpour. 

They walked back to the car, arm in arm and Mark glanced at his watch again. He was late for work. Kerry was going to have his head on a stick. He groaned softly and came to the conclusion that nothing Kerry could do, could even begin to top the last 24 hours he'd endured. 

Elizabeth stared at the carpet as Mark threw the sodden woven mess in the back and squished and splashed to the car door and got in. The fuzzy seat cushion darkened as settled down into the seat and left a big wet 'Mark' print. 

They drove back to County in silence, the only noise was the static of the radio as it sprung to life suddenly on the outskirts of Chicago, picking up a local college station. 

"-I fell back on you because I needed more time, and I needed an excuse. You're a thief, you're a liar, an angel caught on fire. A king. A drug. The push that comes to shove. A freak. A star. I'm everything you are. I'm your Jesus, I'm your pride. We're made to heal. I depend on you for the wings of life and for the air that you move. I defended you for this one last time and the nerves that you abuse. We're made to heal.. " 

Elizabeth started to cry and hugged Mark close. "Mark... That man... He was dead... We just buried a man... Mark.. We.. We just.." It was a body.. A cadaver.. Not much unlike those she'd operated on as a med student. splitting them from stem to sternum.. A little more decomposed than she was used to.. But that's all it had been.. A body.. It was just a body.. That's all it was.. Reasoned Elizabeth.. Except it wasn't just a body.. It was a man. A husband who probably had a  wife and kids and a dog with a house and a picket fence. It was a man.. 

Mark pulled off the road and parked on the shoulder. "Elizabeth.. It's okay... Yes... It was a man.. We gave him a nice burial. That's all we could do.. He'd obviously met with foul play.. Nobody has a hole like that in the side of their head by accident, honey. He is dead.. It's okay.." 

He pulled back onto the road and kissed his wife softly, and held her close, before putting the car into gear.. They kept driving, as the rain and wind whipped ferociously at the windows. Elizabeth tucked herself down and closed her eyes listening the rain beating down and making everything dark and wet. The water surrounded the SUV like a skin, encasing it like a safe cocoon.. Like coffin.. Thought Elizabeth..  It was like they were dead as they drove along the highway. Dead men driving.. Corpses on a journey. Driving to nowhere coming from nowhere.. 

Mark turned off and drove home, glancing worriedly at his wife. He drove down the streets and perfectly parked in the perfect neighbourhood, the cats not sitting on the welcome mats but staring forlornly out the windows. Mark got out of the car and carefully deposited the rug into the garbage can before driving off. 

"Mark... Why did you do that??" Elizabeth asked softly.. Staring at him as they drove down the street and towards their house. He pulled in and quickly got out of the car and walked into the house. "Mark... Why did you do that?" She asked again, her voice softer. "Mark?" 

She found him dirtying her favourite leather chair. Mark was filthy.. Covered in grime and dirt and blood.. Elizabeth looked down at herself and gasped. She wasn't faring much better. "Mark?"   
She asked again. He looked up at her, a vacant look in his eyes. "It wasn't ours Elizabeth.. It wasn't ours to keep. They weren't throwing out the rug.. They were throwing out Larry.. There's a difference. I'll.. I'll buy you a rug.. A nice one.. A big one.." He said distractedly, as Mark got out of the chair and walked to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. 

"Mark? Are you okay?" She watched him slice the meat and the bread and slather on mayonnaise.. The dirt in the cracks and lines and creases in his face and hands, aged him.. Elizabeth started to cry again. Heart wrenching sobs. Crying that hitched in the throat and made her tremble and seize. She dropped to her knees and bawled, rocking back and forth. 

Mark watched her as he assembled his sandwich and wrapped his dirty hands around the WonderBread and ate, watching her cry. He looked up from his wife on the floor to Luka and Abby walking into the kitchen, pulling on their coats. "The baby is upstairs sleeping. We washed your sheets, and made your bed. We cleaned your house and made you casseroles and lasagna for the next few nights. Tony's bottles are made up in the fridge." Luka said softly, nearly drowned out by Elizabeth's sobs. 

Abby nodded and got down on her knees and held Elizabeth as she cried, rocking her slowly like a child. "It's okay, Elizabeth.. It's over now.. It's okay.." She said soothingly, brushing the hair from her face and wiping the tears away. "It's okay... It's over... He's gone... It's okay..." 

Mark exited the kitchen through the other door and walked up the back stairs. Taking a deep breath, he walked into the bathroom and took a long hot shower. The water stinging and burning on the scratches and cuts all over his body, Mark writhed under the showerhead and moaned softly as the burn from his aching muscles slowly ebbed away and was washed down the drain with the dirt and sin that swirled on the bottom of the tub. The sins of the father are visited upon the son.. What about the sins of the wife? Mark sighed and squirted a miniscule bit of shampoo on his hand and he stared at it for a moment, marvelling on how the years got longer, he got older and less shampoo ended up in his hand. 

There was a knock on the door and Elizabeth walked in, wrapped in her bathrobe, and spent tears making clear pink trails on her cheeks. "Mark?" Quietly, she shed the robe and stepped into the shower, the curtain parting and thick clouds of steam and heat escaping in puffy white clouds. He smiled and kissed her on the lips. 

"Hi.. I'm sorry about downstairs.. I.. was eating.." He finished lamely. 

Elizabeth nodded, craning her neck back and letting the spray wash away all the filth and pain. "I know.." She mumbled. Truth be told, she hadn't wanted Mark to comfort her.. Abby was the right person at the time.   
"They went home.. Luka.. Abby.. I thanked them.. They've been wonderful. I told them so, Mark. It's the truth." 

He nodded and lathered up what was left of his hair. "I know, Elizabeth. They've been very good. I'll tell them when I go to work. Okay?" 

"You're going?! You're hours late.. Kerry will kill you.." Elizabeth said with surprise. 

"I know that too.. Kerry will just have to stick it in her ear.. I'm late.. I'm late.. What's she going to do kill me and roll me up in a rug!?" Mark grinned. 

"MARK!" She swatted him. "I'm going to stay home.. I'll phone Romano.. I'm not going in.. I'll stay with Tony.. Spend some time with my son." 

Mark stepped from the shower, and dried his hair. "And you should.. No sense in both of us getting our asses in a sling. Luka and Abby made all those dinners, so there's no need to cook. Have a nice bath.. Get some sleep.. Watch some television and get caught up on your Passions.. See if Ethan finally snagged his girl." He smiled. "Okay? Don't over-extend yourself. You've done alot today. Take it easy.." 

Mark turned and left the bathroom, jogging slightly to the bedroom and throwing out the dirty scrubs and changed into some clean ones. He walked to his son's room and kissed his sleeping son, on his down feather head and smiled. "I love you Tony.. Don't ever leave.. Don't ever grow old.. Don't ever invest in oriental carpeting.." He walked past the bathroom as he walked down the stairs and rapped on the door. "Take care of yourself Elizabeth. I'll be back around 2 or 3 in the morning.." 

Elizabeth nodded to her husband, even though he couldn't see her. She picked up the bar of soap and slowly ran it over her body, leaving clean pink trails and washing the dirt away. She poured a dime-sized drop of shampoo in her hand and lathered up her hair, moaning softly and working her fingers into the tight tangles of curl. Elizabeth shook her hair down her back, spraying the curtain with suds and mud. She, smiled and started to laugh. Boistrous, loud and braying.. Water caught her open mouth and she spurted it out of her mouth, playfully as she crossed her arms over herself, hugging her shoulders and slowly dancing to the music in her head. 

"Life is waiting for you.  It's all messed up.. But we're alive.. Life is waiting for you. It's all messed up.. But we'll survive." 

THE END.   



End file.
